Boundaries & Personal Safety

General Guidelines for Cross-Cultural Relationships & Boundary Setting

When you are operating in your home culture, keep the following in mind:

  • There will be misunderstanding and embarrassment
  • You have power and privilege deriving from your knowledge of the cultural context you are in, and it’s unethical to take advantage of this power position
  • Cultural differences are not always obvious
  • Behaviors often do not mean what you think they mean, including what people say
  • Even though many cultures find a direct “no” insulting, or use roundabout methods of communication, try to communicate as clearly and directly and empathically as you can BUT observe the response and adjust accordingly
  • Be clear and consistent with communications and commitments – you should show up on time even if it’s “culturally appropriate” to be late; return phone calls, texts and emails promptly
  • It is totally ok to emphasize a misunderstanding in an ambiguous situation to avoid an awkward or unpleasant outcome – such as interpreting an inappropriate comment about someone’s appearance as something completely different, like a request to go to the bathroom
  • Even though you will often interpret the meaning of various behaviors incorrectly, stay in tune with your own comfort and personal boundaries, and remove yourself from any situation that feels dangerous, preserving all parties’ dignity whenever possible.
  • Expectations around authority, education, family, work, religion, friendships, and sex are deep parts of individual, family, and cultural identity, and you should consult many sources when engaging in any relationship outside the classroom that involves any of these dimensions
  • If you are an authority figure (i.e., if you are teaching a class), there is a good chance they will believe everything you say as truth and/or a promise
  • It bears particular emphasis: be EXTREMELY careful before engaging in anything that could seem romantic or involve the exchange of money, gifts, or being alone in an enclosed space.

And, when you are operating outside of your home culture, follow these guidelines for the best experience:

  • Be careful with any kind of intoxicating substance
  • You are subject to the laws of the country you’re in – don’t break them
  • You’re even more subject to the cultural norms of the country you’re in than the laws (as the importance of lawful behavior, itself, varies from culture to culture) and you really really shouldn’t break the cultural norms; or put another way, you may find yourself in a situation where you should break the law in order to obey the culture.
  • Because male political and economic dominance is assumed in most cultures of the world, be prepared for differential treatment between males and females that you may not agree with, including increased security measures and body covering if you appear female
  • If you are out of the country for more than 2 months – you will experience culture shock – here’s a solid treatment from a Californian in Norway
  • Traveling out of your home country will always cause you to confront your current areas for growth
  • If you’re flying internationally, you are in the global elite, no matter what your relative class status is back home
  • You will generally be given a lot of leeway as a foreigner in another country if you have one or more of the following characteristics: money, a degree, light skin, a US accent, a US passport
  • If you hold a US passport, you have an incredible amount of global privilege – in many places in the global south you are likely to be treated like a movie star
  • It is unethical to personalize this treatment or treat it as anything other than a responsibility to do as little harm as possible
  • Assume everyone in your neighborhood is paying close attention to your behavior and talking about you
  • Try to find at least one person from your home culture, and one person from your ex-pat culture that you trust as soon as possible so you can ask questions and better interpret your cultural environment – isolation is generally not helpful
  • Use Facebook and call home regularly especially if you start to feel blah – nobody back home will understand, but it will help to ground you
  • Find out how to show extreme deference, and err on the side of formal politeness whenever you’re not sure what’s going on
  • Be extremely wary of tourist areas
  • Be extremely wary of political gatherings
  • It bears particular emphasis: be EXTREMELY careful before engaging in anything that could seem romantic or involve the exchange of money, gifts, or being alone in an enclosed space.